Yes, well... any marriage will be better than my first. Mr. Roswell. He cheated on me with some waitress. Can you believe that? A waitress. How cliché is that?
Edie Roswell is one of the minor characters of Desperate Schoolboys. After her first heartbreak, the woman decides to never find love again again, and instead only have companionship. After her homosexual husband passes away, a back-on-the-market Edie meets Hugo Daniels, but gets more than what she signed up for.
After my first heartbreak, I cared not for any sort of physical relationship. I married a gay man for the sheer companionship, and we were very happy together, just like me and your grandfather shall be.
Edie married at a young age to a man who treated her badly and left her for a waitress. After Edie's first heartbreak, she decided she didn't want a physical relationship, but only a companion. This led her to marry a homosexual named Eugene. After many years of happiness, Eugene passed away due to cancer leaving Edie a widow. ("The Madness Within, Part 1")
Edie was soon sent to a retirement home where she antagonizes Betty Grapeblack, but the straw that breaks the camel's back is when Edie starts dating the man Betty loved: Hugo Daniels. Edie met Hugo at a costume party where she believed he was homosexual, similar to her second husband, leading her to pick him as her next companion. ("Secrets That Lay Buried"/"The Madness Within, Part 1")
Why didn't you just throw a toaster in his tub?!
After Hugo scares Rena, Edie arrives, warning Hugo they may need to call security since she heard a woman screaming hysterically. An embarrassed Rena tells Edie that it was he who screamed. Edie laughs at this and tells him that it is nice to see him again. The woman kisses her Hugo, and a disgusted Rena asks the two if they want him to scream again. Edie laughs and pours herself a drink. Rena tells Hugo that he's happy he is enjoying his new girlfriend, but that he is acting like a child. Edie tells Rena that he needs to get his back and that Hugo is terrified of clowns. Rena decides to visit Hugo another time where he dresses as a clown and scares him, giving him a heart attack. Edie arrives at the hospital and thinks Rena saved Hugo's life and thanks him. When the nurse arrives to verify Rena's statement of what happened, Edie is furious to learn Rena dressed as a clown and spooked him. She sarcastically asks why he didn't just drop a toaster in the bath tub. ("Secrets That Lay Buried")
At the local synagogue, Edie is preparing for her wedding to Hugo when Betty Grapeblack arrives to wish the two a lifetime of happiness. The two rivals manage to make it through a friendly conversation. Edie introduces Betty to Hugo. Betty is appalled by the fact Hugo doesn't know who she is. Hours later, Edie greets Rena and Liz who arrive at the synagogue. Rena wishes Edie the best of luck with Hugo. Edie tells her soon-to-be-step-grandson that any marriage would be better than her first who left her for a waitress. Edie tells Rena about how after she lost Mr. Roswell, she married a homosexual merely for companionship. She also tells Rena that's why she's marrying Hugo. Rena tells Edie that Hugo is not gay. Edie's fiancé arrives and tells her that he will "have his way with her" that night. A disgusted Edie leaves Hugo at the altar, as she didn't want a sexual relationship. ("The Madness Within, Part 1")